Relationship Masterpiece: The Sailor and the Ship...

Welcome back to my love den...

Great relationship, great effort...which means great commitment and great level of understanding. The sailor's attitude should not be totally different from yours and mine...and his commitment should not be swept under, it should be understood, neither should such level of commitment takes anyone by surprise.

The ship hate the storm, so does the sailor, but the storms will surely come, and when it comes, it is expected to bring out the best from the sailor...If the sailor sail well and shows great level of commitment, then the ship gets to shore without problem, but if the sailor allows himself to get carried away by the intensity of the storm, then the sailor's competence level will be questioned.

I have never sail on sea water before, though I have been on water sometimes, and those times, I have come to understand the great work a diligent sailor put into his voyage. I love the waters and the cold breeze that greet early in the morning and late at night. its always magical and full of wonders...but that is actually not my focus, my focus is on the commitment of the sailor and the expertise displayed.

So think for a moment about your relationship and borrow the sailor's ideal way of getting result, the sailor is always in control, no matter what! So you should be in control of your relationships, no matter what! The sailor faces the storm squarely, not thinking only about himself but about the ship and those inside the ship, you should also be more interested about the success of your relationship, not only about yourself, but also about the other person, knowing fully well that you are on a voyage, and the success of such journey depends much more on how you are able to handle issues that comes along your way.

No sailor want a sinking ship, and yet many are experiencing a sinking relationship, no matter the storm, an experienced sailor will sail on... but we? we want out! The problems are getting too numerous, and we cant continue again, it seems not to be working as planned...yeah, we did have great expectation and now things are just going opposite of our well organized voyage.

The problem? we never prepared for the storm to roar against our relationship, we never prepared for those challenges that we are facing now, we are so overwhelmed by so many challenges that we have begin to belief we made a mistake...its unusual for the sailor to sail without planning adequately for the raging storm... so the next time you see those fiery storm as you sail on in the voyage of life, think of what you, yes I mean you, can do to easily sail on...

Finally as I round up, I will take on Robert Schuller’s best seller...Tough time never last but tough people do, your level of commitment and competence will be put to test in your relationship, whether you are a man or a woman...high level of commitment and expertise will be demanded from you, it is always good when the two of you understand the effect of the storms on your relationship, and you both face it, but if the commitment is not coming from two people, who cares? you put in the commitment and watch for the eventual result afterwards.

We understand that the time of great storm is not a time to party, not a time of joy, not a time of gladness, not a time of comfort, but a time to pause and think, a time you will look back on and appreciate, a time you will one day greatly adore...whatsoever you are going through in your relationship, just hang on there, and hope one day for the best.

Just like the Sailor, the focus should not be on you, but on the ship, and the people in it.

I will love to hear from you...if surely this series has been of help to you one way or the other, feel free to share your experience in the comment box below...

From: dwise

She never love you...

Welcome back to My love den...its been a while and I think it is necessary to write again...so how are you doing?

Lets talk about something a little bit different today...

I want to start with story I heard on radio yesterday, and it actually touched me...A guy met a lady some years back, who was jilted by a guy who prevailed on her to carry out several abortion and eventually abandoned her...devastated and dejected, she started contemplating ending her life and everything about her...all these while, she left her friends and close relatives, just to be alone, and eventually she started thinking of suicide.

Then along the way, this guy met her and manage to talk her out of taking her life, he never stop there, he restored her back to her relatives and got her enrolled for a nursing course...During her nursing programme, the guy told her that he is interested with her and will like to marry her, she reminded the guy about her terrible past life of abortion but the guy insisted that he doesn't mind, and that he do love and care about her so much...when she discover that the guy is serious, she eventually agreed to marry him.

All along, she has not heard anything from her runaway boyfriend...this serious guy stayed all the way with her unfil she finished from nursing school, then he help her to get a good job in a reputable hospital in the outskirt of the town...

Now when the guy realise that his girl is now doing well and responding well to her career, he approached her and inform her that it is time for them to settle down, she agreed, and told him that she will take him home to meet her family as the husband to be, very soon...

Then all of a sudden, the guy who compelled her to undergo series of abortion ran into her, and the tide automatically changes...the lady stop picking the call and replying to the text messages of the man that has been with her in her time of trouble, and their relationship grew from bad to worst...Then one day, a close friend of this guy learn that this lady was getting married to this same man who has put her through the difficult times, and came and told his friend about the news, and the most painful aspect of this story is that these two decided to fix their marriage on the day his birthday falls...it was so painful!

After her wedding, she later looked for him, saw him and did apologize, but the deed had been done...
So where is the lesson in all this? SORRY...SHE NEVER LOVED YOU, period!!!...There are three stages at which a relationship can be terminated, one is at the beginning of the relationship, the second is at the middle of the relationship, while the third is at the end of the relationship. Out of these three, the last one is the most painful, because of the level of commitment, that had already been put into the relationship...

I think the guy was not sensitive enough to realize that her heart and commitment was not wholly in the relationship, and though I felt for him, I still blame him...he waited too long for the most difficult time in the relationship to learn the rope, and he paid for it...he must have seen the signs that her heart and mind wasn't in the relationship, but he ignore them. Whether you are a lady or a guy, it is always important to look for genuine commitment and a total heart as the relationship progresses, and if there is little or none, it would be nice to pull off as you came in, because of a disappointment that could shatter you...

So, when next you fall in love, ask yourself this sincere question as the relationship progresses..."does she truly loves me"? Don't wait till the time your heart will be shattered, for if you do, you may eventually end up having a bad nightmare...

I will love to hear from you...if surely this series has been of help to you one way or the other, feel free to share your experience in the comment box below...

From: dwise

How to handle setback in Relationship

Welcome back...

Many relationships are actually passing through the knife...many homes are groaning in pain, many families are seeking for relief, so much as many are seeking for where they have missed it, the truth sometimes need to be told...setback sometimes will come! that your sweetheart may decide to leave, that your husband may start behaving irrational, that your wife may no longer show commitment again, that your job that is making you feel on top of the world may disappear, that marriage may crash, you may suffer the loss of a dear one...in all these, life continue, and you just have to find a way to move round it, you‘ve got to move on.

So let’s break it down...life is in phases and nobody knows when the setback will come, should we then prepare for setback? I think so, this will help to reduce the effect it normally have on us at times, once  we prepared, it will be much more easier to take the shock...

But why setback? Setback comes into our lives so that we can feel the other side of life, so that we can have a taste of the bitter pill. Sometimes, it can come to make you stronger, to infuse strength within you. Have you lost a lucrative job, and finding it difficult to live at full capacity again? That is a setback! Have you just lost a promising relationship and it seems as if your world is about to come to an end? That is a setback! Have you lost a love one, and it looks like life means nothing to you again? That is a setback! Most times, we don't have control over the degree of setback we suffered; most times it is always beyond us.

Setback is not meant to break us, this is where many get confused about their setback, they see what they are passing through as the final straw that breaks the camels back. Many begin to ask questions..."why is this happening to me?" Setback is not meant to destroy us., rather, it is meant to toughen us, to test us, to nurture us, to drill us and to leave us better than it met us. If all we are seeing is nothing but confusion, the lesson inherent in it may not be learnt, and this is more dangerous than even the setback itself.

So how then should we handle setback in our various relationships? This is because setback changes things around us, it also have the power to change us positively or negatively.

Anytime you are face with a devastating setback, it is very important to identify the lesson embedded in the trial, for setback are great period of trial. This is not the time to be depressed, dejected or perplexed, this is the time to be strong, and identify the purpose in the setback.

Purpose is key...irrespective of the level of challenges that you face everyday, hold on to your belief, as yourself sincere question about what you are passing through, and pull inward to draw strength within. You know what? During your trial period, people will definitely move away from you. Don’t expected much from people, because you won’t get it, the best thing is YOU!, you‘ve  got to be strong, so that you can easily learn from such trial.

One of the key point of trial is the non stipulated time it is suppose to last, you may be surprised that the more you undergo such pain and endure such turmoil, the more it look as if the trial will never end, I discussed about drawing inward the other time, this is to be able to understand the purpose of the trial, and to be able to align with it, by doing this, the duration of the trial will be shorten  because you fully understand why you are going through the trial.

This is very important and we need to understand it, understand what? We must understand that  trials could be overcome, if we align with all the stipulated instruction within it, let us always know that we don’t have a control on the kind of setback that we may suffer in life , but we can determine the outcome by aligning well with the setback…

I know you can overcome it, and I know that you will overcome it.

I will love to hear from you...if surely this series has been of help to you one way or the other, feel free to share your experience in the comment box below...

From: dwise

Lies in Relationships

Welcome back to my love den my friend, how are you?

I used to have a friend full with a bag of lies, and he seems to easily get along very well with girls, within just a snap of the finger, you will see them running to him at top speed...I hated this part of his life so much because I felt he is just taking advantage of those girls, so I try to do one thing...I stop associating with him!

At a point we tend to believe that lying is cheap and saying the truth is very costly...I use to listen to my dad during his days, he use to say "son, lies has many friends, but the truth is always lonely"...as much as telling a lie is bad, people find it easier to believe a lie than believing the truth.

What will make somebody tell lies in relationship? maybe low self esteem. Lets check that out, when you doubt your ability, then you can think low about yourself, and when the opportunity present itself, you may find yourself telling lies to measure up...when somebody ask about who you are, and you look around, something may quickly suggest to you that you are the least in the rank, and if you don't find a way to cover up, you may lose the little friends you already have...lies sometimes can save you a temporary face, but it has the ability to permanently disfigure you at the long run, so why indulge in it?

Lying is destructive, it has the ability to scatter a long standing relationship...but you know what? I would rather allow a relationship built on lies to scatter now, than wait for it to scatter later, because whether you like it or not, it will eventually scatter at the end, and that experience could prove too difficult to handle.
 

Let me talk to you a little bit...why will you like to watch the person who love you so much, go through the experience of deceit? how do you feel when you look into that innocent face, and all you see there is trust and respect, while all you give back in return is lie, deceit and nothing but lie? don't you feel some pain for that person? don't you understand the extend of the damage it could do to that person, when it eventually become crystal clear that all you have been saying is a lie?

I find it very difficult to understand...I mean, it is very difficult for me as a person to comprehend...so all this while, money and time inclusive, the end result is going to be futility? how will the person take it? will he/she ever recovered from the shock of such a deceit? what happens to all you have built together over the years? Lies is an enemy, running away from it is great wisdom, because what it can destroy cannot be easily explained...

So for me personally, low self esteem, and selfish interest in a lying habit could be the major reason people tell lies, and even when they know it could destroy all they have built, they still find themselves telling more lies to correct their flaws...and really to many, the devastating effect of their action may not be easily known to them, until they eventually see everything they have built over the years start crumbling at their feet.

Finally, some people may not understand the gravity of their action, they may want to change, but don't know how to go about the change, such people need serious counseling and rehabilitation.

Some of them need to be told that building a good self esteem based on lies is not ideal, and will definitely lead them nowhere, they just have to believe in themselves and in their God given ability, they need to realize that they have what it takes to build a formidable brand for themselves, and not to doubt their ability and potential, but for the selfish and habitual liar, it is always advisable to run away from them, for they take great delight in what they do, not minding the effect it will have on others, and come to think of it, who wants to build a long and lasting relationship on lies? the end result, is better said, than imagine...

So my friend, lie is deceitful, it destroys, it scatters, it separate entirely good and ideal relationship. Do you know my advice to you? run away from the claw of lies before it totally destroys you. 

I will love to hear from you...if surely this series has been of help to you one way or the other, feel free to share your experience in the comment box below...

From: dwise

Taking Responsibility in Relationship

Welcome back...

How are you and how has your relationship fare this week? Don't mind me, just trying to show some level of concern, after all, you are my brothers and sisters...when you are ok in your relationships, believe me, I am equally ok!

Before we push forward, let me quickly inform you about dwise lovers den ,that is a sister blog to this blog and I will encourage you to also visit there and get vital information on how to handle your relationships.

Now, what exactly are we looking at today? RESPONSIBILITY...! Yeah, you surely heard me! Responsibility is the soul of every relationship, it is accompanied by trust, compassion, love, care, confidence and tenderness...but why can't people handle responsibility? Am limiting this kind of responsibility to "responsibility in relationships", why do people start relationship, then after some time, they are off? Why do marriages that look so promising suddenly break down without any meaningful or genuine excuse? Why do two great friends suddenly become two great enemies?

This is how I am going to start, and it is entirely my opinion...before you enter a relationship with somebody, especially the kind of relationship that you believe could eventually lead to marriage, take your time and make up your mind, then after you are really sure you feel like going ahead, tell yourself sincerely "now that I have made up my mind about Nancy, and have decided to fully start a relationship with her, whatsoever happens afterwards, becomes my responsibility...I will never shift it on her, knowing fully well that it took me time to make up my mind about her."

Let me take it right up with you Julie...you know how long it took you to accept his advances, at that point in time, what were you looking for? Let me help you girl...you were looking at how kind he could be, how generous he is, how industrious and how caring a man he claim to be, so why the complain now, or didn't you do your homework perfectly well? Remember you choose him, out of the dozens trooping after you...and it took you a long time to do this, so how did he eventually become suddenly bad?

Hey, common Richard...remember you said she was the best thing to have ever happened to you, you said that the mere thought of her use to drive you crazy, you said it is either her or no one else, why is she now an idiot? After all the time you spent chasing her up and down the alley, why has she suddenly becomes bad overnight? Oh! Someone should please tell me why?

I think the problem of taking responsibility in relationship starts from the beginning of the relationship...before you enter a relationship with anybody, take time to ask yourself..."if anything go bad, am I going to be ready to fix it, instead of heaping the blame on the other person?, will I be man enough to accept the blame and take responsibility for everything that happened?, will I be woman enough to say "am sorry" , even when its crystal clear that it wasn't my fault?"...once you can settle all these in your heart at the beginning of the relationship, no matter what is thrown at you afterwards, you will be ready to face and conquer it.

The bottom line is this...you are the one that choose her, nobody choose her for you, so why don't you take absolute responsibility for your choice? you single him out, among many suitors, why don't you Grow up, and take responsibility for your action? The moment we realize that our action should be a replica of our choice, the better for us.

This is my own opinion...what is yours?

I will love to hear from you...if surely this series has been of help to you one way or the other, feel free to share your experience in the comment box below...

From: dwise

Keeping Love alive in Relationship

Welcome back to Love den...

Somebody ask me a question...how were you able to maintain the love between you and your spouse right from the beginning of the relationship? and I ask the person..."how exactly did you started?" because for you to decide that you want to maintain something, that shows that it is good and worthy of maintaining. Ok...so how exactly did you started, and why is it difficult now to maintain the good old days?

It wasn't as if I never know the answer to the question asked or the one I also asked...it was just because I never imagine that a relationship that started extremely well, can now become a hang over, I don't understand why we can't just tolerate one another, the purpose of marriage is for the two people involve to complement one another, so why is it difficult for us to live peaceably with each other? This actually is not what we set out together to achieve, those days we use to tolerate each other, but now we don't, maybe because the lady is now married or the man is now married, hence we don't see any reason to go the extra mile again.

I need to recount my own experience, which actually is not different from what we knew about...I know there were other men on the queue, I was always on my toes...I remember I will visit her, and she will take a walk with me to my place, (which is not far), and the two of us will end up walking back to her place, and I will eventually protest by the time she wants to follow me again..it was so unique, we never wanted to leave each other for a minute...but what happened after marriage? it looks as if we have seen enough of each other!!!

Do your wife look like a cloth you have used over time, and need to replace? does she look like an automobile that have past its prime? the key word is TOLERANCE!!!

See your wife as somebody who has come into your life to complement you, for us to be totally whole, there is someone who has to take up the unique responsibility, lets begin to see ourselves as unique and valuable in whatsoever the future holds for us, this is what being human is all about.

Do what your husband says he want from you...what is the purpose of the argument with your husband, when all it brings along your way is pain and regret...do whatsoever he likes, and win him to your side. I am so much passionate about this, why should I say, I like my wife this way, or I want her to change this particular attitude, and the woman cannot for the sake of love and the family adjust...when you begin to listen to what your spouse's needs are, and you are ready to meet it no matter what, then you are on your way gradually to pull your relationship back together.

Finally, I want to believe it is high time we begin to pay serious attention to those blissful days, and begin to ask ourselves what was both driving us crazy then, that is totally missing now, lets go back to those things, don't say "oh, am getting old, I don't think I can do that again"...if going back to those things will bring some spices back into your relationship and make your marriage better again, I think there is no big deal in giving it a shot!, after all, you are in the position to do it, and the ability is also there...so what are you waiting for? if I can write and you can act, then we will both smile at the end of the day, and your relationship will surely be better for it...You will surely get it right.
 

I will love to hear from you...if surely this series has been of help to you one way or the other, feel free to share your experience in the comment box below...

From: dwise

A Taste of Love...

Welcome to my blog...

Love is Magical...it intoxicate you, rough-handle you, jerk you out of your normal way of life, so that you begin to do abnormal things and start living abnormal life...the greatest of all have been hacked down, the toughest of all defeated, the mightiest of all swept off their feet, and the weakest of all strengthening. Magical!...yes, that exactly is what love is, ironical!, yes, that is what its bite could bring...it surge through the stony heart, it pierce through the hardened soul.

Love is merciless, once it comes in unto you, you had better treat it with respect, it has the power to make the old young again, it possess the ability to quickly make the young accelerate fast towards old age...starring at the grave afar off, its power is magical, its weapon is natural, its effect is logical and its outcome?..uuhmm, practical for all to see.

Now, with all the possessive abilities, do men run away from love? absolutely NO!!!...there is no day that passed without man yearning to be loved...the sun never goes down without its effect on us, the more we try to reject its ability in our lives, the more we get drawn to its claw...the more we get caught by it, the more we fully get intoxicated by love.

So, lets face it squarely, every one of us need...A TASTE OF LOVE, every one of us cannot but feel to be loved, every one of us want love, but many of us don't know how to go about managing love...without its bite, the world will not be round, without its touch, there won't be much to live for, without its effect, our boastful existence will know no bound, without its shaking, men will not feel like they are men...Love helps us to shape our world, it encourages us on how to be there for one another, it empower us to prioritize our lives...what we lost to individual ego, we gain with a midal touch of togetherness, it doesn't matter whether you are black, or whether you are white..., whether you are intelligent or rusty...,whether you are good or bad...what shaped our existence is that singular taste of love we cannot but have, all for each other, ready to be there for one another.

A simple bite is all you need...the problem? we always take more than we can chew, and once we do that, the fury of love will be unleashed on us like a dragon, its claw will be fasting on us, aiming for our jugular, its torturing intent will quickly flood our tempo, and we found ourselves gasping for survival...this and more wouldn't have happened, if all we have taken is a sip, if all we had was a taste, if all we ever took was a bite...its effect on us would have been minimal, its power on us would have been pretty mild, and its total effect on us would have been controllable...

You can't run away from the grip of love...for it will surely come, no matter the experience you may have had about love in the past, running away from it will not help your situation, in fact, it will surely worsen it!!! your inability to face it will be seen as an act of cowardice, your inability to manage it will surely leave behind a dent, a total scar, difficult to cleanse...no matter what may have happened to you, dust yourself up, and this time around, learn to have A TASTE OF LOVE, and nothing more.

I will love to hear from you...if surely this series has been of help to you one way or the other, feel free to share your experience in the comment box below...

From: dwise